Lost.

I'm lost in this sea that human beings call love. I'm a simple castaway in this island of desperation. It's 1.26 AM and I can't get sleep. My brain is being attacked with thousands of thoughts about you. Those thoughts are confusing, although, I have some ideas that are impossible to move. Mountain truths, river truths... remember? I just can't avoid smiling every time I remember that conversation. The "truth-mountain" is that I love you. I love you more than you could ever imagine. This love is beyond comprehension, that's why I refuse to accept it's over. I need you, darling. More than ever. A song is coming to me, it's "More than words". Maybe that's why I want you here so badly. I need more than words to believe everything you say or do. The "truth-river" it's that I don't want you to leave, baby (God... I always wanted to call you baby). I want to have you always there, I don't want to argue anymore, I need that the fight would only be on our bed. But sweetheart, I have some doubts. That's the reason I want you to tell me anything you have left to say me. I mean you no harm. But understand that sometimes, I'm jealous of other men. You're rapturelessly beautiful. You're smart, funny, strong-believed... Any man would do anything to be with you. And I'm afraid of that. There are 700 kilometres between us and you may decide that you need someone that lives next to you. You may find a better-looking man, smarter, funnier... and the most important, a man that isn't silly, that isn't an idiot like me. Because let's admit this: I'm not the best man you can get. I have more defects than anyone I've ever met. Still, you chose me. And that made me the luckiest man alive. And again, I'm afraid to lose you. So I need to know if you have met a guy that's better for you, and I need to be safe. Why am I writing this? Because I needed to say all this stuff. Because when I was dialing your number in order to call you and say all of those things, I broke down. I couldn't stand it anymore, I spent an hour crying. Yes, like a little baby. I'm not proud of that. I shouldn't be writing it. Whatever. I needed all of this out to calm down, so I wrote it for you. I need you to know all this. Why did I write this in english? I don't know, the words flowed like this in my head. But, Google translator is pretty good. Otherwise, I would be happier to tell you all of this using my voice, than the written word, but I don't want to disturb you... I love you.

Yo, minoría absoluta.

"Me da vértigo el punto muerto…
y la marcha atrás,
vivir en los atascos, los frenos automáticos y el olor a gas-oil.
Me angustia el cruce de miradas,
la doble dirección de las palabras
y el obsceno guiñar de los semáforos.
Me arruinan las prisas y las faltas de estilo
el paso obligatorio,
las tardes de domingo y hasta la linea recta.
Me enervan los que no tienen dudas
y aquellos que se aferran a sus ideales
sobre los de cualquiera
Me cansa tanto tráfico
y tanto sin sentido
varado frente al mar mientras el mundo gira."

Me angustia la lista de espera. Las colas, los semáforos en rojo, las décimas de segundo hasta que alguien contesta una pregunta. Los escasos diez segundos desde que te apetece un cigarro hasta que te lo enciendes. Me desespera el "cargando" de tantos aparatos. Odio esos minutos que hay que dejar la bolsita de té dentro de la taza. Desprecio las mañanas perdidas en el banco y a los camareros lentos. Aborrezco los exámenes antes y despues. No soporto los minutos anteriores a la hora marcada, más cuando los profesores se retrasan. También las semanas hasta la aparición de las notas. No soporto esperar. Y cuando la espera es gratificante y de repente un acontecimiento la torna angustiosa, me enerva aún más. Por eso, muchas veces, después de soportar innumerables esperas, necesito algo de inmediatez en mi vida, y mi gran cabreo, me hace exigir esa inmediatez. Que nadie se engañe, no vivo con prisas, sino con el odio a las esperas sin sentido. Nada más.